Whom you observed and interacted with in your setting during this module
I have spoken to teachers and parents at daycare and at Schubert School this week.
Any special learning experiences you may have had or an experience that provided you with insight about children and families including advocacy efforts
I have been digging through paperwork and binders at my work place and looking into community partnerships to help assist us in the day care. I realized we are falling short and missing some great opportunities to reach out to our community and bring in extra volunteers in the classrooms. Some things I have learned from studying bulling is that it is often a cycle. I am on after school teacher with 18 kids. They all need attention and when their needs are not met the students lash out at each other. I found out that across the street is a senior group. They did not know we were here and we did not know about them. I mentioned to some at the group they are more than welcome to take a background check form, get a TB test and spend some time with the children in the afternoons. I was sadden we aren’t doing more to help our parents with workshops and information on bullying. I was able to talk about what I am looking into at our monthly staff meeting. Our CEO asked that I provide information about workshops for teachers to give at an upcoming in-service.
At least two insights gained from your observations of, and interactions and experiences with, children’s families regarding advocacy efforts and needs related to your area of interest within the field of early childhood.
One insight from a teacher is that bullies tend to be children who have been left back. The child is mad that he/she got left back and now there are all these kids who are probably smarter than he/she and the bully reacts. I haven’t had time to find some research to back it up. But that sounds probable.
I went to the Local School Council meeting and realized that there are policies in place at the school but parents don’t use them. The principal says that most bullying gets unreported.
I also talked a lot to my children this month. I know that I have to bullies in class that we are all working with. However, last night I realized I may have a third. I talked to her mom, and I know she bite someone a few weeks ago, I thought it was a random one-time thing, but there are some other things happening. I actually have to go in to work at 7:30 this morning to catch this mom again on her way to work to talk to her.
A third crazy insight in to bullying is the adult bullies. My co-workers and I have talked about this for months but our new director is a bully and all this reading I have been doing this module made me take a stand against her this week. I am usually very easy going, I don’t get upset but I stopped this week and told her “I don’t like the way you treat me, my children in day care and you make me embarrassed to work here” It was tough, she told me I needed to do as I was told and remember she is the boss. My job I told her is to advocate for my children and I will not sit here while she destroys the work we have done for the last few years. I know this battle has just begun. I hope some courage dust flew over some of my co-workers to stand up to her also. She points fingers in our faces, laughs when we have a concern. It has been tough. There have been other little things were we just shake our head.
I had a great talk with one of the parents in the daycare. Her child has been struggling in group play, he either wants to be the boss or he wont play. The mom said the teacher at his school told her the same thing, he tries to control the play time or he wont play. I asked her how she felt and she said it is hard. We talked for a while, he is the baby. there is an 11 year age gap. I suggested talking to the school counselor, I also told her that her at daycare I renforce the “I” statements the children where taught at school. The children practicing telling the bully, I don’t like when you call me a name. I feel sad when you push me. I told I would continue to make notes at daycare, and she would check in each Friday.
ritabarth 
Hi Rita,
Bullying is a big issue and many school have actually gone overboard in reacting to it. However, it sounds like your place has rules but what good are rules that don’t get enforced. I went to a training on bullying and one thing that really stuck with me is our ability to empower those who get bullied. The presenter had many good suggests such that schools should survey the children to find out what is really going on, and explaining to young children what bullying is and how to respond to it. The presenter gave guidelines and suggestions for how to talk with a bully.
How do you feel now about standing up to your director? Do you think it will cost you your job? Will it make matters worse or better? Has anything happened because of it yet? Good luck with your efforts.
I really would like the training at the day care.
I am too close to graduation to take a big stand with her. I dont want to have to look for a new job and try to graduate. I will just try to stay off her radar, we have had two teachers walk out in the last few months. Literally walk off the job at the end of the day. It has been hard on the kids explaining why the teacher is gone.
Hi Rita, I am so proud of how determined and passionate you are about this topic. It shows that you care about the children at your school. You are doing great by keeping up with communication with the parents of the child who is being a bully. Maybe through discussions, some solutions can be put into place to help these children who have felt the need to become a bully to others in order to feel strong. It also must be hard to be at work sometimes with a director that is not very supportive of your ideas. It sounds like you are a strong person who I believe will eventually make a difference in your school…making sure no one gets left behind. 🙂
Maria Lucia Lo Bue
Hi Rita, I hope you and your supervisor can work out your differences. Keep the line of communication open because she might come around.
Bullies tend to have different charactertistics for example domination needs (need to feel powerful superior); Impulsive, low frustration tolerance, easily angered; Difficulty adhering to rules, aggresive and show little empathy. The Victim tend to have characteristics also for example insecure, unhappy, passive, quiet and difficulty asserting themselves. But there is things that can be done about bullies and their victims; awareness, supervision and involvement by the teachers, parents or adults, intervention with bullies that do not reinforce harassment, training in alternative behaviors, role playing and cooperative play.
Rita I really believe you will make a different in any advocate issue you pursue.
I have been learning alot about what goes into creating a bully. I have been reading alot about what can be done to help. I am surprised at how often people tend to stand by and watch. I was reading to day about a study that says children often feel adults ignore the bullys and adults feel they always take action against the bullies.
Yes communciation stays open, I have also been practicing standing straighter when I am shouted at and to look her in the eyes. I think it takes some of the wind out of her sails.
I think ‘bosses’ have a tendency to be big bullies these days as so many people need jobs so they can get away with anything. It’s hard to keep your mouth shut or be ‘politically’ correct when dealing with bosses that are adult bullies because we all need jobs.
This seems like it has been a very passionate issue for you to deal with and one that has been very informative as well. How responsive was the mother you were talking to about the issue? I have a child in my preschool class that is also displaying some of these behaviors. I first thought there might be an emotional issue that she was dealing with but I have come to view her behavior as bullying. She is very manipulative and knows that if she tells her parents she did something because the other child made her upset they will explain away her behavior. I had to have a very uncomfortable conversation where every response about the child’s behavior was “I know this doesn’t excuse the behavior, but..” which made for a frustrating conversation. She even went as far as to bite another child this week (she’s 5) and when mom and dad came to pick her up she mentions that the other child hurt her feelings. They then proceeded to take her out to lunch and buy her a new toy because they hurt her feelings and that is why she reacted in the way that she did. Needless to say I am very frustrated about the circumstances. How did you handle the mother and the conversation? Any advice that I can use to help with the situation?
I’m also sorry to hear about your director. I completely understand how not having a supportive director can make a job even that much more difficult. While we want to focus on the children and make the experience good for them the jabs that can come from your boss make it that much harder. I was in the same situation and was just asking for adequate supplies and help (just to keep us in ratio most of the time). My director at the time did not like that I was “telling her how to do her job” and her attacks turned personal. My advice to you would be to keep a log of your interactions with her with date and time. It has been my experience that bosses that display this behavior and lack of respect won’t stop once challenged. I ended up leaving that job not because of the kids but because of the harassment I endured from my boss. No one should have to go into work in an environment like that every day. Good luck and I hope things get better for you.